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Life doesn’t always go as planned—sometimes, you hit red lights you never saw coming.
In this deeply personal episode, I share the raw reality of navigating motherhood, chronic illness, and neurodivergence while learning the hardest lesson of all: true strength isn’t about pushing through—it’s about knowing when to let go.
If you’ve ever struggled with guilt, self-doubt, or the fear that you’re not doing enough, this story is for you. Because sometimes, being a good mother (or just a good human) means admitting you can’t do it all—and that’s okay.
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#Motherhood #Neurodivergent #ChronicIllness #Resilience #MentalHealth #Parenting #DisruptionRadio #CherylwTF
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Rearview Mirrors
I always knew something was wrong with my body. The pain, the instant exhaustion, intermittent muscle weakness, the way my brain betrayed me without warning. For over 26 years, I lived in a constant state of questioning—what was wrong with me? Was I just weak? Every time I'd mention my bizarre collection of symptoms to a doctor, they'd make a "you're a woman" related excuse and dismiss me. Eventually, I gave up trying to tell them something was wrong.
Over time, I met others with similar experiences, and the puzzle pieces started to fall into place. When I finally received my diagnoses—EDS, POTS, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome— 26 years after my symptoms first became debilitating, it wasn’t a shock. I had spent years living with and trying to accommodate these conditions, hoping that one day a doctor would confirm what I already knew and maybe even offer a solution.
And then they did.
Three days later, I lost my health insurance.
No follow-up care. No guidance. No next steps. Just a list of conditions that had always been there, now spelled out on paper, with no solutions in sight. It was a strange kind of grief—the kind that sneaks up on you, even when you think you’re prepared.
I could make lifestyle changes, tweak my diet, take supplements, and hope for the best. But here’s the catch—I’m AuDHDer. Consistency, food textures, executive function, memory—my entire neurological wiring fights against the very things that might help me. And let’s not even get started on trying to navigate the healthcare system with a brain like mine.
So I did what I always do. I pushed forward through the pain and fatigue. I forced my body and my brain to continue to do things they weren't built to do. Failure isn't an option when there's no one to catch you.
Then, one ordinary night, my body and brain decided they were done.
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When the Light Turns Red and Your Brain Says No
My 15-year-old’s carpool bailed at the last minute while they were at their LGBTQ+ support group, and I got the emergency text: Can you come get me?
It was 8 PM. I had already skipped my networking call because I just couldn’t that day. My husband had just walked in from a long shift, one week into light duty after an injury, exhausted from his own occupational therapy. Neither of us had the energy to go back out, but this was my child, not his. He offered, but I felt like it was my responsibility.
So I went.
He came along for the ride so we could spend time together—something that now feels like a blessing in disguise, or quite possibly him knowing me better than I know myself.
Because a quarter of the way home, my brain quit.
I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t distracted. I wasn’t being reckless. But suddenly, I couldn’t process the meaning of red lights. I almost rear-ended someone. My brain just… stopped.
I pulled over and sobbed as he took the wheel. I cried over my inability to be the mother I want to be. I cried because my body and brain have limits I can’t outwork, outthink, reliably predict or ignore. I cried because I didn’t know how I was going to get my kid to and from this weekly event while also attending my conflicting call now that my husband was back to work.
I cried because I felt like I had failed.
But had I?
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Giraffe's Kicking Kids
Who Gets to Define What "Good" Means?
Failure is a funny thing. We think of it as an absolute, but what if it isn’t?
I can’t do this alone. That’s just reality. My husband and I decided—he’ll drive them home, I’ll drive them there. That’s the best we can do, and that has to be enough.
I am grieving. I am adjusting. I am trying to be kind to myself. And I am deeply, profoundly grateful for a partner who sees my limitations and chooses to support me through them rather than resent them.
But the real gift came from my youngest.
In a classic AuDHDer moment of unexpected empathy expressed in the most unexpected way, they decided to reassure me with an absolute gem of a perspective shift:
"An inability to do something does not make you a bad mother."
And then they proceeded to provide me with a dissertation on bad mothers in the animal kingdom.
Did you know some species eat their own young? Or that giraffe mothers kick their newborns until they stand up? Did you know hamster moms will sometimes just… leave?
By the time they finished their TED Talk on Terrible Animal Parenting, I was laughing through my tears. Because you know what? I may struggle, I may need help, but at least I’m not literally kicking my kids.
What If Strength Isn’t What We Think It Is?
I spent so long careening through life without a support system, I came to believe that strength meant doing everything myself. That being a good mother meant never needing help. That independence was the highest form of success.
But I was wrong.
Strength is knowing when to pull over.
Strength is letting someone else take the wheel.
Strength is recognizing that being “good” has nothing to do with doing it all and everything to do with showing up the best you can, with the resources you have.
I am disabled. I am neurodivergent. I am human. And I am a damn good mother.
Not in spite of those things. Because of them.
If you are struggling with your own limitations, if you’re grieving what you thought you’d be able to do, if you’re beating yourself up because you can’t do everything everyone else seems to manage so effortlessly—I see you.
You are not failing. You are adapting.
You are not weak. You are wise.
You are not alone.
And when you show up with everything you've got - whatever that might be - you are more than enough.
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I’m just a left handed girl in a right handed world trying to figure out
“What the Fork🍴?!?” is going on ~ 🤯 Cheryl.wTf 🍴
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