The Hidden Truth: How Outsiders' Perceptions of Mental Health Miss the Mark
🤯 Cheryl.wTf 🍴 | 🔔 Subscribe | 📖 Shop Books | 👕 Shop Merch
Mental health is generally measured by neurotypical brains by how inconvenient and uncomfortable a neurodivergent person makes the people around them. For example, ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder - named after the little boys who are bouncing around a classroom and fidgeting in their chair rather than paying attention to the lesson. ADHD brains do NOT have a deficit of attention. They are very able to focus on something they are interested in for extended periods of time.
Hyper-Focus is one of my super powers.
My super powers. That's how I think of what other people might call my disorders. I've taken what could be a deficit and used creative problem solving to turn it into not only an asset, but a super power. A skill or talent that exceeds what people expect of me or others. That is what the right workplace accommodations can do for your staff.
So here is an example of my hyper-focus, super power in action. I built and launched the Wicked Title Forum online community and learning platform from idea to go live by myself in 3 weeks. The average company with a team of 5 people would have taken at least 6 months from project approval to go live, that's not counting the idea, feasibility and approval process which would have taken another 6 months. That's what hyper-focus applied properly can accomplish. It's also put me in a wrist brace with repetitive strain injury, so be careful.
Mental health is generally measured by neurotypical brains by how inconvenient and uncomfortable a neurodivergent person makes the people around them.
When my daughter was in the 3rd grade, she started showing signs of ADHD and was struggling in school. She was often crying in class, having difficulty making friends and spending 4-5 hours a night struggling through her homework even though she is brilliant and had straight As. When I contacted the school for help, the very first thing they said to me is, "Is she failing her classes?" After fighting with them, they did a reluctant, cursory evaluation and concluded that there was nothing wrong with her. She continued to struggle for 3 more years until she got to the middle school where I tried again. When I contacted the school, the very first thing they said to me was, "Is she failing her classes or getting into trouble?" She is very smart, it compensates for a lot, until it doesn't. She was a straight A student who was now failing Math. Finally, they listened to me. They conducted another evaluation. When I received a copy of that report, do you know what jumped out at me? They looked back at 5 years worth of teacher's comments and every single teacher noted in her file that, "She showed an inability to focus consistently, follow directions without prompts, and keep her materials organized."
When I called dozens of local therapists to get her into a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy program, the first thing every single receptionist asked was, "Does she have bad grades? Is she getting in trouble at school or at home?"
The very first question, the thing teachers, doctors, gatekeepers for help are most interested in is "How is this person making those around them uncomfortable? In what way are they bucking the 'system'?" It is never, "Tell me how your child is suffering."
Maybe…just maybe….you are thinking to yourself, this was a fluke. A strange and unusual occurrence. My friends, you'd be wrong. I went through the exact same song and dance 4 years later for my youngest child in an entirely different school system.
Maybe…just maybe…you are thinking to yourself, it's just children and the school system. My friends, you'd be wrong. Any time I have ever contacted a therapist for myself, the very first questions they ask are about work, relationships, socio-economic norms that I am not meeting according to the standards of neurotypical people. It is never, "How are you suffering?" They always want to work toward, "How can we help you meet the socio-economic norms of society?" Not, how can we help you suffer less, struggle less, creatively adjust your life so it is one that you are happy and comfortable in. It is never, what goals are right for you and how can we help you meet them?
When we focus on the system and bending neurodivergent folks into unnatural shapes to fit that system, the ones who suffer most are the ones you're supposed to be helping.
It's time to turn the narrative on its head. When we focus on solutions for the individual, the people and systems around them automatically benefit.
There is no maybe. I am not a snowflake. My experiences are not unique.
I have seen these scenarios play out again and again for people I have known and people I have helped.
We are dismissed because we are "well behaved". We are dismissed because we are "successful". We are dismissed because we are highly intelligent. We are dismissed because we are good at pretending to be normal. We are dismissed because we have learned how to suffer in silence. The quiet ones are ignored. We are told we are fine and do not need any help. We are told, "You present too well for there to be something wrong with you." We are told we do not matter.
We are dismissed because we are silent and when we speak up, we are dismissed again, because we are disruptive.
Your discomfort is not a measure of my suffering!
Just because I actively work to ensure that my problems are not your problems, does not mean I don't have problems.
Just because we suffer in silence, does not mean we don't suffer and does not mean we don't deserve help. Your comfort is not more important than our safety.
If you love my writing, get value out of it, and believe in paying people for their work, please consider a paid subscription so that I can continue to share my stories.
I’m just a left handed girl in a right handed world trying to figure out
“What the Fork🍴?!?” is going on ~ 🤯 Cheryl.wTf 🍴
🔔 More from me…
🪄 Magically Thriving Business | 🐐 Wicked Real Estate | 🌈 Go on a Side Quest
DISCLAIMER
Some outbound links may financially benefit me and the page through affiliate programs. The affiliate relationship doesn’t influence my opinion, and I would never endorse programs, products, or services I didn’t use, approve of or feel familiar with. So If you use it, I will get compensated — but there’s no additional cost to you.